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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Men Dressed As Mormon Missionaries Rob Home

Two men dressed as Mormon missionaries rang the doorbell of a Las Vegas house and told the homeowner they wanted to speak with him about Jesus Christ, before pulling out a gun, assaulting the resident, entering his home, and stealing cash and iPads. What do you think?

  • “What’s the big deal? It’s like you’ve never been beaten up by missionaries before.”

    Willy Vonn Faucet Assembler
  • “As a resident of the Southwest, I can attest that Mormons are very friendly, hard-working, community-minded people. I’ve been creeped out by them maybe eight, nine times tops.”

    Dustin Filley Sisal Picker
  • “Are you trying to convert me to Mormonism right now? Because it’s working.”

    Estelle Steinkamp Linotype Machinist
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