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Men Just As Likely To Be Depressed As Women

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Men Just As Likely To Be Depressed As Women

Upending previous research, a new study found that an equal percentage of men and women, about 30 percent, would meet the definition for depression at some point in their lives if the criteria for diagnosis were broadened to include symptoms such as aggression, substance abuse, and risk taking. What do you think?

  • “We probably get depressed way stronger than girls though.”

    Zachary Stateman Scallop Shucker
  • “It’s only because it disturbs us so to see our sisters in such dysfunctional emotional despair.”

    Nathan Noel Systems Analyst
  • “We did it!”

    Hoyt McPherson Camp Counselor

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