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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.
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Men Just As Likely To Be Depressed As Women

Upending previous research, a new study found that an equal percentage of men and women, about 30 percent, would meet the definition for depression at some point in their lives if the criteria for diagnosis were broadened to include symptoms such as aggression, substance abuse, and risk taking. What do you think?

  • “We probably get depressed way stronger than girls though.”

    Zachary Stateman Scallop Shucker
  • “It’s only because it disturbs us so to see our sisters in such dysfunctional emotional despair.”

    Nathan Noel Systems Analyst
  • “We did it!”

    Hoyt McPherson Camp Counselor

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