Merkel Says Multiculturalism Has Failed

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Vol 46 Issue 42

Report: Fans Enjoy Waving Things Around

NEW YORK—A joint report from all professional and amateur sporting leagues unanimously confirmed Thursday that fans enjoy waving random things around, typically above their heads, while attending athletic events.

NFL Scores Big Ratings With Rare Live Episode

GREEN BAY, WI—At a press conference Monday, NFL officials touted the success of a special live episode of Sunday Night Football, confirming that more than 19 million viewers had tuned in to watch players on the Vikings and Packers play in rea...

A-Rod Finally Leads Rangers To World Series

ARLINGTON, TX—Ten years after signing a record $252 million contract to play baseball in Texas, third baseman Alex Rodriguez finally delivered for the Rangers by leading the franchise to its first-ever World Series.

Kobe Bryant Just Not Into It This Year

LOS ANGELES—Two-time NBA Finals MVP Kobe Bryant, who claims he typically looks forward to the 82-game professional basketball season, told reporters Friday that he's "just not feeling it" this year.
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Merkel Says Multiculturalism Has Failed

German prime minister Angela Merkel told members of her Christian Democratic Union party that efforts to live side-by-side with Muslims have failed, and suggested all immigrants learn German and embrace Christian values. What do you think?

  • "I think I have a pretty good idea where this is heading."

    Satra Paich
    Notary Public
  • "To be fair, it's pretty hard to eat a bratwurst under a headscarf without looking like a real idiot."

    Sam Lukather
    Systems Analyst
  • "On at least half of this point, Germany and al-Qaeda agree."

    Donald Williams
    Architectural Draftsman
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