Meth Puts Strain On ERs

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Meth Puts Strain On ERs

A recent survey of hospitals indicated that methamphetamine is responsible for more drug-related emergency-room admissions than any other illicit drug. What do you think?
  • "It wasn't the meth that put me in the ER, man. It was trying to wrestle that horse."

    Kevin Underwood
    Tax Preparer
  • "Meth's a bigger problem than weed, coke, and heroin? No wonder popular music sucks now."

    Cindy Reynolds
  • "We should just train all the pharmaceutical reps mulling around the hospital lobby in basic lifesaving measures."

    Gene Thomas
    Bank Teller