adBlockCheck

Recent News

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
End Of Section
  • More News

Mexican Immigrants Call For A Day of Action

May 1st will be the next "Day of Action" in which Latino activists will take to the streets to protest restrictive policies against Mexican immigrants. What do you think?
  • "I see what they are trying to do. A day off on May 1st, then the Cinco de Mayo—before you know it, we're looking at a 5 day weekend."

    Brooke Gladwell Bricklayer
  • "At least their employers won’t have to pay them benefits for that day."

    James Munson Systems Analyst
  • "Pienso que el tema de la inmigración es absolutamente compleja. ¿Mi nombre? Juan-no. John. John Smith. Disculpeme. Debo irme."

    John Smith Laser Printer Repairman

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close