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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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M.I.A. Denied Visa

British rapper M.I.A. was denied a visa to the U.S., purportedly for her support of the Sri Lankan terrorist organization the Tamil Tigers. What do you think?
  • "Hear, hear! In America, we believe that rap music should only be used to convey non-violent messages about getting parties started in the correct fashion."

    Jackie Sherman Bar Back
  • "I want her to come to America, but only so I can make her look me in the eye and tell me why she would embolden our enemies with controversial lyrics like 'blaze a blaze, galang a lang a lang a lang.'"

    Scott Riess Acrobat
  • "She supports terrorists? Well, I know one artist whose music I will not be illegally downloading."

    Seth Lalley Systems Analyst

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