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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
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M.I.A. Denied Visa

British rapper M.I.A. was denied a visa to the U.S., purportedly for her support of the Sri Lankan terrorist organization the Tamil Tigers. What do you think?
  • "Hear, hear! In America, we believe that rap music should only be used to convey non-violent messages about getting parties started in the correct fashion."

    Jackie Sherman Bar Back
  • "I want her to come to America, but only so I can make her look me in the eye and tell me why she would embolden our enemies with controversial lyrics like 'blaze a blaze, galang a lang a lang a lang.'"

    Scott Riess Acrobat
  • "She supports terrorists? Well, I know one artist whose music I will not be illegally downloading."

    Seth Lalley Systems Analyst

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