M.I.A. Denied Visa

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Horrifying Police Body Camera Footage Clearly Shows Current State Of America

CINCINNATI—Following a traffic stop earlier this month by a University of Cincinnati police officer that ended in the shooting death of an unarmed black motorist, authorities confirmed Thursday that the disturbing video recorded by the officer’s body camera clearly and graphically shows the current state of America.

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.
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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

M.I.A. Denied Visa

British rapper M.I.A. was denied a visa to the U.S., purportedly for her support of the Sri Lankan terrorist organization the Tamil Tigers. What do you think?
  • "Hear, hear! In America, we believe that rap music should only be used to convey non-violent messages about getting parties started in the correct fashion."

    Jackie Sherman
    Bar Back
  • "I want her to come to America, but only so I can make her look me in the eye and tell me why she would embolden our enemies with controversial lyrics like 'blaze a blaze, galang a lang a lang a lang.'"

    Scott Riess
    Acrobat
  • "She supports terrorists? Well, I know one artist whose music I will not be illegally downloading."

    Seth Lalley
    Systems Analyst