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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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MIA Remains In North Korea

U.S. and North Korean officials are meeting in Kuala Lumpur this week to discuss efforts to recover the remains of 8,000 American soldiers missing in action in the Korean War. What do you think?
  • "I don't know about you, but I certainly don't want those remains back. Have you seen that shit? It's nasty."

    Benjamin Ryback Landscaper
  • "Did someone check the bathroom for those missing soldiers? Because my grandpa is a Korean War vet, and that's where we always find him."

    Jennifer Teague Law Student
  • "Finally, I'll be able to be at peace when the bone shards and crushed skull of my loved one, gunned down in the prime of his life, are returned to me."

    Carol Clark Retiree
  • "How can we worry about Korea when there are still bodies missing from the Punic Wars?"

    Davis Franklin Banker
  • "Know who else is apparently missing in action? My waitress. I ordered those goddamn wings almost 15 minutes ago."

    Robert Dorner Systems Analyst
  • "We must get the MIAs back alive. Failing that, we must get back their remains. Failing that, we must get back their droppings."

    Don Oberkfell Electrician

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