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Michael J. Fox Returning To TV

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Michael J. Fox Returning To TV

Former Family Ties and Spin City star Michael J. Fox, who left television 12 years ago to focus on combating Parkinson’s disease, will appear next fall in a loosely autobiographical sitcom in which he plays a New York father struggling with the same neurodegenerative disorder. What do you think?

  • “He’s dealt with his condition so well, I have a problem seeing him as a convincing Parkinson’s patient. Frankly, I’m not sure he can pull it off.”

    Everett Rosner Medical Radiation Dosimetrist
  • “Ugh. I don’t have a neurodegenerative disorder! When’s someone finally gonna tell my story?”

    Teresa Hester Mail Carrier
  • “I don’t know. After 12 years out of the game, do you think he’s ready to handle the intricate plotting and multifaceted characterizations of today’s sitcom landscape?”

    Giovanni Di Meo Barrel Repairer

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