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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Michael Schiavo Starts PAC

Michael Schiavo, husband of the late Terri Schiavo, is starting a political action committee that will challenge candidates based on where they stand on government's reach in private lives. What do you think?
  • "Nice to see that a Schiavo is being persistent about something other than their vegetative state."

    Denise Benzler Gardener
  • "Like we need another organization looking out for the little guy. Thanks, but no thanks."

    George Henry Optometrist
  • "It's going to be an uphill battle, but if there's anyone used to seeing little to no progress, it's Michael Schiavo."

    Andrew Lederer Sound Man

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