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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
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Michele Bachmann Leaving Congress

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), a Tea Party conservative who ran for president last year and an outspoken critic of President Obama, confirmed that she will not seek a fifth term in Congress in 2014. What do you think?

  • “I just hope Minnesota can find someone else as good as her.”

    Ray Bahmet Systems Analyst
  • “Maybe now she can finally let her hair down and be herself.”

    Mark Foote Automobile Repossessor
  • “Hopefully there’ll be some sort of media outlet in which she can still express her opinions.”

    Michelle Nix Cafeteria Attendant

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