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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Michele Bachmann Leaving Congress

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), a Tea Party conservative who ran for president last year and an outspoken critic of President Obama, confirmed that she will not seek a fifth term in Congress in 2014. What do you think?

  • “I just hope Minnesota can find someone else as good as her.”

    Ray Bahmet Systems Analyst
  • “Maybe now she can finally let her hair down and be herself.”

    Mark Foote Automobile Repossessor
  • “Hopefully there’ll be some sort of media outlet in which she can still express her opinions.”

    Michelle Nix Cafeteria Attendant

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