adBlockCheck

Michelle Obama Presents Oscar To 'Argo'

Top Headlines

Recent News

360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Michelle Obama Presents Oscar To 'Argo'

First lady Michelle Obama announced the Oscars’ Best Picture winner via satellite last night, awarding the show’s top prize to the Ben Affleck–directed thriller Argo, which chronicles the rescue of six Americans during the Iranian hostage crisis. What do you think?

  • “As a conservative, that completely ruined the Hollywood I already hated.”

    Martin Ingersoll Seat Assembler
  • “But her husband didn’t even kill any bad guys in that one.”

    Gerald Wilmarth Puppeteer
  • “Oh, wow. Do you think the president was standing right there off-camera, or do you think he was in another room watching on TV?”

    Mary Tanaka Systems Analyst

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close