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Veteran Told What Offends Him

WASHINGTON—In the wake of protests in which some players knelt during the national anthem prior to this week’s NFL games, a U.S. Army veteran has been informed that the acts offended him.

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.
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Michelle Obama Turns 50

First Lady Michelle Obama turns 50 years old today and will celebrate with a birthday party at the White House tomorrow night, which has been described on official invitations as an evening of “Snacks & Sips & Dancing & Dessert.” What do you think?

  • “There will be snacks? How glamorous!”

    Lonnie May Jackhammer Operator
  • “I guess whatever little miss First Lady wants, little miss First Lady gets.”

    Keith Ballard Tap Dancing Instructor
  • “Wow, she made it to 50? Must be her active lifestyle. Incredible.”

    Whitney Kirby Donut Icer

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