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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Mick Jagger Blamed For Brazil’s Historic World Cup Defeat

Some Brazilians are blaming Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger for their nation’s humiliating 7-1 loss to Germany in the World Cup semifinals Tuesday, suggesting he regularly jinxes teams he cheers for and that the yellow and green jersey he wore in support of his Brazilian son spelled doom for the tournament’s host country. What do you think?

  • “If only Mick would use his powers for good.”

    Lyle Keck Megastar
  • “We can play the blame game all day, but ultimately it’s no one’s fault except Charlie Watts’.”

    Emma Jones Dog Stacker
  • “There is absolutely no other explanation.”

    Karen Grigsby Thirst Quencher Chemist
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