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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Mick Jagger Blamed For Brazil’s Historic World Cup Defeat

Some Brazilians are blaming Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger for their nation’s humiliating 7-1 loss to Germany in the World Cup semifinals Tuesday, suggesting he regularly jinxes teams he cheers for and that the yellow and green jersey he wore in support of his Brazilian son spelled doom for the tournament’s host country. What do you think?

  • “If only Mick would use his powers for good.”

    Lyle Keck Megastar
  • “We can play the blame game all day, but ultimately it’s no one’s fault except Charlie Watts’.”

    Emma Jones Dog Stacker
  • “There is absolutely no other explanation.”

    Karen Grigsby Thirst Quencher Chemist
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