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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Mick Jagger’s Hair Up For Auction

A British auction house will sell several locks of Mick Jagger’s hair, which are expected to fetch between $2,300 and $3,100, and which are said to date back to the mid-1960s, when the grandmother of a woman who was then dating the Rolling Stones frontman took some of his hair without his knowledge. What do you think?

  • “I learned a long time ago that unless you’re getting the whole scalp, never pay more than $1,200 for hair.”

    Alexander Schmidt Linen Grader
  • “I’ve got the perfect spot for it next to Jerry Garcia’s finger.”

    June Hunt Abrasive Mixer
  • “Damn it! I also had samples of Jagger’s hair, but I stupidly mixed them in with a big bag of hair.”

    Joe Barnathan Film Inspector

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