adBlockCheck

Recent News

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
End Of Section
  • More News

Microsoft Announces First-Ever Quarterly Loss

Software giant Microsoft reported a quarterly loss for the first time since the company went public in 1986, losing $492 million in the most recent quarter due to a major write-down in its online division. What do you think?

  • “What they should do is use their immense size to box their smaller competitors out of the market. Have they tried that?”

    Isaac Price Financial Analyst
  • “Giving Solitaire away for free was a huge blunder.”

    Phoebe Ellington Locksmith
  • “I’m glad Microsoft is finally acting like a modern Internet company.”

    Pedro Reyes Cargo Plane Pilot

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close