Microsoft Introducing Siri Competitor ‘Cortana’

In This Section

Vol 50 Issue 09

Young E-Cigarette Users Less Likely To Quit Smoking

According to a new study from researchers at the University of California San Francisco, middle and high school students who use electronic cigarettes are more likely to smoke real cigarettes and be heavier smokers than those who don’t.

Brief Moment Of Lucidity Called Panic Attack

JEFFERSON CITY, MO—Following a brief episode Friday during which he became physically debilitated by a flood of worries about his struggles in his career, romantic failings, and his own fragile mortality, sources confirmed that local man Evan Turoff...

Massachusetts Bans Upskirt Photos After Outcry

Due to the controversy surrounding their ruling earlier this week that criminal voyeurism didn’t apply to a man who took photos up a woman’s skirt on the MBTA, the Massachusetts Legislature voted yesterday to outlaw the act of “upskirtin...

Papa John’s Now Offering 3-Day Home Delivery

LOUISVILLE, KY—Aiming to provide their customers with the most convenient options when placing an order, Papa John’s officials announced Friday that the restaurant chain will now be offering three-day home delivery service on any purchase.

Dog Held Against Will Inside Skype Window

Ukrainian-Russian tensions divide U.S. citizens along ignorant and apathetic lines, the national endowment for the arts provides 80 million dollars for discouraging talentless hacks, and a dog is held against its will inside a Skype window.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Energy

Sleep

Microsoft Introducing Siri Competitor ‘Cortana’

Video leaked online this week revealed that Microsoft is developing a competitor to voice-activated smartphone virtual assistants like Apple’s Siri and Google Now tentatively called Cortana, which will appear as an animated circle icon. What do you think?

  • “Good, I need a soprano for my Virtual Assistant quartet.”

    Jim O’Rourke
    Fan Installer
  • “Every time you think Microsoft is done innovating, there they are with another brilliant, unprecedented feature like this.”

    Tom Hamilton
    Choir Conductor
  • “I had a falling out with that bitch Siri, so hopefully this Cortana bitch will be nicer.”

    Martha Drimmer
    Account Manager
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More