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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Microsoft Overhauling Hotmail

Software giant Microsoft is planning a significant upgrade to its web-based e-mail portal Hotmail. What do you think?

  • "I don't know, I think Hotmail is probably as good at receiving spam as it's ever going to get."

    Kevin Pettibon Machinist
  • "Stop right there. I refuse to associate with anyone who uses a Hotmail account or asks questions about Hotmail."

    Jeff Lockett Commercial Developer
  • "Just answer me this: Do I still get to keep RockingAunt7, or not?"

    Kaye Dukowski Auto Claims Analyst

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