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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Microsoft Releases New Patch

Microsoft recently released a patch for a critical security flaw in its Explorer web browser. What do you think?
  • "Wow, they always seem to know when something is wrong with my computer. Come to think of it, how do they always know when something is wrong with my computer?"

    Terry Orth Miner
  • "I would like to think that this will be completely effective, but I know from personal experience that the patch tends to work only 99 percent of the time. The only surefire protection against Microsoft infections is abstinence."

    Della Kurtz Rail Yard Worker
  • "Microsoft patching up this Explorer flaw is like—well, I would look up a good analogy if I could get online."

    Keith Applebaum Crane Operator

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