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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Microsoft Releases New Patch

Microsoft recently released a patch for a critical security flaw in its Explorer web browser. What do you think?
  • "Wow, they always seem to know when something is wrong with my computer. Come to think of it, how do they always know when something is wrong with my computer?"

    Terry Orth Miner
  • "I would like to think that this will be completely effective, but I know from personal experience that the patch tends to work only 99 percent of the time. The only surefire protection against Microsoft infections is abstinence."

    Della Kurtz Rail Yard Worker
  • "Microsoft patching up this Explorer flaw is like—well, I would look up a good analogy if I could get online."

    Keith Applebaum Crane Operator
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