Microsoft Releases New Patch

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Microsoft Releases New Patch

Microsoft recently released a patch for a critical security flaw in its Explorer web browser. What do you think?
  • "Wow, they always seem to know when something is wrong with my computer. Come to think of it, how do they always know when something is wrong with my computer?"

    Terry Orth
  • "I would like to think that this will be completely effective, but I know from personal experience that the patch tends to work only 99 percent of the time. The only surefire protection against Microsoft infections is abstinence."

    Della Kurtz
    Rail Yard Worker
  • "Microsoft patching up this Explorer flaw is like—well, I would look up a good analogy if I could get online."

    Keith Applebaum
    Crane Operator