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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Microsoft Testing Google Glass Competitor

According to an unnamed source, Microsoft is testing a wearable computer with an eyewear interface similar to Google’s highly anticipated Google Glass device. What do you think?

  • “Finally, some glasses I can Bing from.”

    Camille Rasner Linguist
  • “That’s nice, but I made a promise to myself that I would never put a Microsoft product on my face.”

    Ron Revilla Tar Heater
  • “All my stupid glasses do is bestow me with the gift of sight.”

    Shawn Beasley Hard Candy Maker

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