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Report: Someone Needs To Get Chips And Dip Away From Area Man

EDISON, NJ—Repeatedly emphasizing that the ruffled potato chips and accompanying French onion dip were just too good, a report released Thursday confirmed that someone needs to get them away from local partygoer Ian Ashcraft before he eats the whole thing.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Microsoft Vista Delayed

Microsoft Vista, the first major overhaul of the Windows operating system in five years, has been delayed until the beginning of next year. What do you think?
  • "This is going to severely impact my timetable for creating Vista-based viruses."

    Michael Lopez
    Systems Analyst
  • "I'm not affected in the least. My TRS-80 Color Computer fills all my rudimentary document creation and Dungeons Of Daggorath needs."

    Bridget McCormick
    Soap Maker
  • "Don’t worry, Mr. Gates. If your stock tanks because of this, we can totally sleep head-to-foot in my trundle bed."

    Keith Lane
    Millwright

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