adBlockCheck

Recent News

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

Middle School Dispenses Birth Control

After 17 pregnancies were reported in its three middle schools in four years, the school board of Portland, ME, voted to allow the middle school health services to prescribe birth control. What do you think?
  • "This is outrageous. I think my daughter should have to get pregnant at 13 just like I did."

    Katie Kolounakis Receptionist
  • "I'm not sure birth control is the answer. Have they tried having an open, honest conversation with these kids about how they're going to hell?"

    Paul Winthrop CAT Scan Technician
  • "This will only encourage students to engage in risky behavior like visiting doctors and going to school."

    Billy Walton Systems Analyst
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close