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Middle School Dispenses Birth Control

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Middle School Dispenses Birth Control

After 17 pregnancies were reported in its three middle schools in four years, the school board of Portland, ME, voted to allow the middle school health services to prescribe birth control. What do you think?
  • "This is outrageous. I think my daughter should have to get pregnant at 13 just like I did."

    Katie Kolounakis
    Receptionist
  • "I'm not sure birth control is the answer. Have they tried having an open, honest conversation with these kids about how they're going to hell?"

    Paul Winthrop
    CAT Scan Technician
  • "This will only encourage students to engage in risky behavior like visiting doctors and going to school."

    Billy Walton
    Systems Analyst

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