Midwest Mumps Epidemic

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Vol 42 Issue 18

British: UFOs Aren't Real

A recently declassified British Ministry of Defence report says that UFOs can be explained as natural, though bizarre, phenomena. What do you...

Al-Jazeera In English?

Al-Jazeera, the Arab news station, is preparing to launch an international English-language version of their channel. What do you think?

FDA Still Against Medical Pot

Despite mounting evidence to support it, the FDA has reaffirmed its stance against the use of medical marijuana. What do you think?
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Comfort

  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Midwest Mumps Epidemic

The number of mumps cases has grown to more than 1,100 across eight Midwestern states in the largest outbreak in nearly two decades. What do you think?
  • "Finally. God has seen fit to punish Midwesterners for their depraved, decadent 'lifestyle.'"

    Sam Wilson
    Baker
  • "Because of the swollen glands, we should also see a spike in Godfather impressions."

    Becky Anderson
    Beautician
  • "Every time a deadly disease affects people in the Midwest, you hear about it in the news. It's like New York and Los Angeles don't even exist."

    Vlad Paretski
    Herpetologist
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