Midwest Mumps Epidemic

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Midwest Mumps Epidemic

The number of mumps cases has grown to more than 1,100 across eight Midwestern states in the largest outbreak in nearly two decades. What do you think?
  • "Finally. God has seen fit to punish Midwesterners for their depraved, decadent 'lifestyle.'"

    Sam Wilson
  • "Because of the swollen glands, we should also see a spike in Godfather impressions."

    Becky Anderson
  • "Every time a deadly disease affects people in the Midwest, you hear about it in the news. It's like New York and Los Angeles don't even exist."

    Vlad Paretski