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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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‘Mighty Morphin Power Rangers’ Movie In The Works

Lionsgate announced that it’s planning a film franchise reboot of the popular Mighty Morphin Power Rangers TV show, which features a group of teens who morph into super-warriors and pilot giant robots called Zords to save the world. What do you think?

  • “So are they going to be dinosaur Zords or jungle animal Zords? Fucking tell me now!”

    David Esposito Film Reel Changer
  • “I fear we’re now too far removed from the Cold War for this to resonate.”

    Mary-Beth Haskell Craft Services Manager
  • “Hollywood better not screw this up.”

    Doug Stein Ticket Booth Agent

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