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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Militants Fire Rockets Into Israel During Obama Visit

Militants in Gaza fired two rockets into an Israeli border city ahead of President Barack Obama’s speech in Jerusalem urging Israelis and Palestinians to resume negotiations. What do you think?

  • “Were there by chance any notes attached to the rockets indicating Palestinians are ready to resume peace talks?”

    Hans Yacoub Humidifier Attendant
  • “If a foreign leader came to my country suggesting fair and evenhanded solutions, I’d be pissed, too.”

    Douglas Tipton Bodyguard
  • “I think the message Palestinians are trying to send here is clear: They don’t really have a lot of rockets to spare.”

    Nina Delgadillo Unemployed
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