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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Military Funeral Protests Banned

President Bush signed a bill that bans protests at military funerals. What do you think?
  • "That's unfair. It's impossible to hold a protest nowadays without being in the vicinity of a military funeral."

    Amy Ketchum Systems Analyst
  • "Is there any way that bill can be expanded to protect postal workers’ funerals? My dad's was a fiasco."

    Jeff Benway Longshoreman
  • "I hope that doesn't extend to actors who have played military figures, because I've got quite the spectacle planned for Sylvester Stallone's final sendoff."

    Aaron Oxfeld Satellite-Dish Installer

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