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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Military Hazing

The U.S. military has come under fire for hazing recently, most notably for a controversial videotape depicting Marines "pinning" new recruits, stabbing medals into their chests. What do you think?
  • "After being cruelly hazed at Fort Bragg, I was so emotionally shattered I could barely bomb Iraq."

    Andy Wojcinski Sergeant
  • "Hazing is an important part of joining any exclusive group. Why, you wouldn't believe the hazing you have to go through to get into the 'Nurses Buried In My Backyard' group."

    Pete Pappas Librarian
  • "As the wife of a Marine, I think that hazing is understandable. Especially when I make bad meatloaf."

    Shelley Thaler Homemaker
  • "Here in the U.S. Armed Forces, we're proud to say that today's mistreated recruits are tomorrow's sociopathic loners."

    Linda Fallon Lieutenant
  • "I'm in the Army, and I've had my head held underwater in a toilet until almost drowning more times before 9 a.m. than most people do all day."

    Orson Brock Private First Class
  • "I was tied down, whipped and penetrated anally by four young men. Military? No, I was never in the military, why do you ask?"

    Nate Schneider Systems Analyst
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