adBlockCheck

Recent News

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Military Sex Scandals

In the past year, several military officers have been involved in major sex scandals, ranging from adultery to sexual assault. What do you think about sex and the military?
  • "After a night of lovemaking with a female recruit, I honorably discharged my semen all over her tits."

    Randall Farber Private First Class
  • "What did these women think would happen, parading around in front of their commanding officers every day—right, left, right, left, right, left...?"

    Christine Forrester Math Teacher
  • "The real problem here is the uniform--It's like a chick magnet, man."

    Alvin Buchwald Midshipman
  • "I once had sex in the military, but my sergeant said it was okay, since I killed the gook bitch afterwards."

    Ed Delessandro Corporal
  • "You people don't understand! There was a war on! It was rape or be raped! You can't imagine the horror!"

    Leo Orff Lieutenant, USM (Ret.)
  • "This has been a problem ever since Bill Murray gave M.P. P.J. Soles the infamous 'Aunt Jemima Treatment.'"

    Janet Meyerson Systems Analyst

More from this section

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close