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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Millennials Consume The Most Wine

U.S. millennials aged 21 to 38 consumed 159.6 million cases of wine in 2015, or an average of two cases per person, more than any other generation. What do you think?

  • “This is to be expected when an entire generation is raised on ‘Sideways.’”

    Jim Kalmus Signage Curator
  • “Who wouldn’t want to unwind after a long day of caring about inequality and the environment?”

    Evie Heffernan Seat Filler
  • “Ugh, and it’s probably wine that they heard about on some podcast.”

    Troy Kassel Fundraising Negotiator

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