MillerCoors Quietly Kills Zima

In This Section

Vol 44 Issue 44

End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Comedy

MillerCoors Quietly Kills Zima

MillerCoors LLC has discontinued its clear malt beverage Zima, saying that the last of the existing inventory would be in stores until December. What do you think?
  • "But, I won a lifetime supply of Zima on Singled Out! What about me?"

    Alex Rutherford
    Restaurateur
  • "This is a day I've been dreading—the death of the clear-product trend. Yes, we believed in transparent things back in the '90s. Deodorant, liquid soap, why even Pepsi for a spell. It was fresh, new. I don't expect you youngsters to understand."

    Betsy Toomey
    Cashier
  • "What better way to bid Zima farewell than with a tall, refreshing glass of.... Yech! What the hell do they put in this stuff?!"

    William Sprerino
    Dental Hygenist
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More