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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Millionaires: It Takes $7.5 Million To Be Rich

In a recent survey, 42 percent of millionaires said they didn't feel rich and would need assets of around $7.5 million or more to feel wealthy. What do you think?

  • "Fortunately, love and happiness still retail for around $4 million."

    Gary Martini Compiler
  • "I get it. When I have $24, it's like, nothing. But the minute I hit $27, the world is my oyster."

    Douglas Graham Unemployed
  • "Well, put yourself in my shoes. Do you have any idea what it’s like to look your kid in the eye and tell him we have to put off his dentist appointment until ExxonMobil announces its quarterly dividend?"

    Cynthia Stewart CEO
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