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Millions Have Never Read The Onion

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts

A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture
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Millions Have Never Read The Onion

According to market research, there are millions of Americans who have never picked up a single issue of The Onion. What do you think?

  • "At least they still get most of The Onion’s intrepid reporting once it's ripped off by The Wall Street Journal."

    Cynthia Conter Animal Caretaker
  • "For their sake, I'm glad such mentally feeble individuals, bereft of the vital insight The Onion provides, will quickly die from their inability to navigate today's complex world."

    Don Ryan Sanding Machine Tender
  • "Ha! That's a good one! What is it, April Fool's Day? Oh, crap. It's June? I better call in to work and see if I still have a job."

    Cody Ross Attorney

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