adBlockCheck

Milosevic Genocide Case Faltering

Top Headlines

International

‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.

World Makes Final Attempt To Try To Understand This Shit

BRUSSELS—In the wake of the terrorist attacks in Brussels that left over 30 dead and more than 100 injured, an angry and frustrated global populace collectively announced Tuesday that it would make one last attempt to try to understand this shit.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Milosevic Genocide Case Faltering

Legal experts said it's likely that Slobodan Milosevic will be acquitted of genocide at the conclusion of his U.N. war-crimes tribunal. What do you think?
  • "They wasted two years questioning an innocent man, and the real genocider is still out there somewhere."

    Larry Robinson Dishwasher
  • "All this because the witness who'd been out walking his dog couldn't say whether he saw the genocide happen at 10:15 or 10:30."

    Shirley Green Salesperson
  • "I'm surprised that Milosevic was able to plead his case down to 180,000 charges of vehicular manslaughter."

    Frank Young Sound Engineer
  • "I hope they provided him with a good rehabilitation program while he was in jail. Otherwise, he's just going to wind up committing more genocides."

    Eric Nelson Curator
  • "When I look in his eyes, I don't see a genocidal butcher. I see a man who needs a hug, and I'm the woman who's going to give it to him."

    Anna Wright Illustrator
  • "Who's his defense lawyer? 'Cause I just crushed three people in a drunken backhoe incident, and I totally don't wanna go to jail."

    Josh Turner Systems Analyst

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close