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Minimum Wage Hike Blocked

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Minimum Wage Hike Blocked

Senate Democrats blocked a bill last week that would raise the minimum wage, but would also cut the estate tax on multi-million-dollar estates. What do you think?
  • "I don't think I'm alone when I say that all the multi-millionaire janitors out there are going to throw a shitfit."

    Spike Schafer Bassist
  • "What's with these Democrats? Last week they blocked a bill that would've provided universal healthcare provided you had your forehead tattooed with a bar code."

    Betty Killman Street Vendor
  • "As a life-long conservative, this bill has made me understand that sacrifices must be made if we are to preserve the obscene mechanisms of patronage and entitlement that made this country great."

    Jones Liota Investment Banker

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