adBlockCheck

Minimum Wage Hike Blocked

Top Headlines

Recent News

Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Minimum Wage Hike Blocked

Senate Democrats blocked a bill last week that would raise the minimum wage, but would also cut the estate tax on multi-million-dollar estates. What do you think?
  • "I don't think I'm alone when I say that all the multi-millionaire janitors out there are going to throw a shitfit."

    Spike Schafer Bassist
  • "What's with these Democrats? Last week they blocked a bill that would've provided universal healthcare provided you had your forehead tattooed with a bar code."

    Betty Killman Street Vendor
  • "As a life-long conservative, this bill has made me understand that sacrifices must be made if we are to preserve the obscene mechanisms of patronage and entitlement that made this country great."

    Jones Liota Investment Banker

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close