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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Minimum Wage Hike Blocked

Senate Democrats blocked a bill last week that would raise the minimum wage, but would also cut the estate tax on multi-million-dollar estates. What do you think?
  • "I don't think I'm alone when I say that all the multi-millionaire janitors out there are going to throw a shitfit."

    Spike Schafer Bassist
  • "What's with these Democrats? Last week they blocked a bill that would've provided universal healthcare provided you had your forehead tattooed with a bar code."

    Betty Killman Street Vendor
  • "As a life-long conservative, this bill has made me understand that sacrifices must be made if we are to preserve the obscene mechanisms of patronage and entitlement that made this country great."

    Jones Liota Investment Banker

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