Minnesota Bars Running Dry

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Grin Slowly Spreads Across Mom’s Face As Meal Revealed To Contain Healthy Ingredients

‘The Mashed Potatoes Are Actually Made With Cauliflower,’ She Announces

VERONA, WI—Having waited until everyone at the table had finished their dinner Monday, a knowing grin reportedly spread across local mother Angela Hopkins’ face as she announced to her family that the mashed potatoes had in fact been made using cauliflower as a healthier alternative.
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Minnesota Bars Running Dry

Following a government shutdown in which bars in Minnesota were unable to renew their liquor-purchasing cards, many establishments are running out of alcoholic beverages to serve. What do you think?

  • "Just you watch, this is the first step in the Democrat agenda to turn America into a socialist, single-drinker state."

    Terry Martsch
    Systems Analyst
  • “I guess this is where the tourist slogan ‘Escape to Wisconsin to get completely shitfaced’ really pays off.”

    Maxine Nelson
    Booster Assembler
  • "Look, I've got some old beers stashed in my closet from last August when my parents were out of town for a week. Anything for a price, Minnesota."

    Eugene Plouf