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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Minnesota Legalizes Gay Marriage

Following Rhode Island and Delaware, which approved same-sex unions earlier this month, Minnesota became the 12th state in the nation to legalize gay marriage Tuesday. What do you think?

  • “Midwest people are too nice.”

    Gordon Lonsdale Plaster Molder
  • “Delaware’s always setting the trends.”

    Ronald Fishwick Cigar Roller
  • “Ehh, I’ll still probably never go.”

    Isobel Maduemezia Dentist

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