Missing Beatles Track Confirmed

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Missing Beatles Track Confirmed

In an interview with the BBC, Paul McCartney confirmed the existence of a 14-minute track the Beatles recorded for an electronic music festival. What do you think?
  • "Oh God. My doctor says it's bad for my blood pressure if my mind is blown for more than five minutes at a time."

    Jonathan Dunn
    Plumbing Wholesaler
  • "As manager of a classic-hits station that's always trying to fill time, I'm thrilled to say this could be 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida' and 'American Pie' rolled into one."

    Kitty Barber
    Radio Station Manager
  • "Maybe this discovery will finally reveal the secret of 'Eight Days A Week' to me. I don't get that song! A week has seven days!"

    J.D. Sutton
    Assisted Living Coordinator
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