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Missing Beatles Track Confirmed

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Missing Beatles Track Confirmed

In an interview with the BBC, Paul McCartney confirmed the existence of a 14-minute track the Beatles recorded for an electronic music festival. What do you think?
  • "Oh God. My doctor says it's bad for my blood pressure if my mind is blown for more than five minutes at a time."

    Jonathan Dunn Plumbing Wholesaler
  • "As manager of a classic-hits station that's always trying to fill time, I'm thrilled to say this could be 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida' and 'American Pie' rolled into one."

    Kitty Barber Radio Station Manager
  • "Maybe this discovery will finally reveal the secret of 'Eight Days A Week' to me. I don't get that song! A week has seven days!"

    J.D. Sutton Assisted Living Coordinator

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