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After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Missionaries Charged With Kidnapping In Haiti

Ten American missionaries were charged with kidnapping after trying to take 33 Haitian children—some orphans, some not—across the border to the Dominican Republic. What do you think?

  • "Trying to save these poor souls from extreme poverty by bringing them across a national border doesn't seem like a crime to me at all. Wait, unless it was the U.S. border."

    Matt Tremblay Alberene-Stone Setter
  • "We must ask ourselves: What would Jesus do? Would he not make fake brochures, steal other people's children, take them to another country, and then wish he'd thought it through a little more?"

    Shawn Decoutere Bus Driver
  • "Look, these people live in some of the most remote parts of the country. They're semi-educated at best and prone to superstition. They don't know the language. So we can't expect them to travel to Haiti and fully comprehend the seriousness of their actions."

    Rick Jackson Systems Analyst

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