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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Mississippi The Fattest State

An annual survey found that, for the fifth consecutive year, Mississippi was the American state with the highest rate of adult obesity. What do you think?
  • "And to think that their weights would be even higher if the average Mississippian still retained all of his or her teeth."

    Lisa Dray Systems Analyst
  • "It's also the biggest-boned, but you never hear about that survey."

    Michael Westmont Unemployed
  • "This isn't over, Mississippi. The Wisconsin State Fair is right around the corner."

    Brad Kordich Liaison Engineer

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