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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Mississippi The Fattest State

An annual survey found that, for the fifth consecutive year, Mississippi was the American state with the highest rate of adult obesity. What do you think?
  • "And to think that their weights would be even higher if the average Mississippian still retained all of his or her teeth."

    Lisa Dray Systems Analyst
  • "It's also the biggest-boned, but you never hear about that survey."

    Michael Westmont Unemployed
  • "This isn't over, Mississippi. The Wisconsin State Fair is right around the corner."

    Brad Kordich Liaison Engineer
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