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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Monsanto Corn Under Attack By Superbug

An Iowa entomologist discovered a corn rootworm that has evolved to be resistant to a pesticide produced by a genetically modified corn plant the Monsanto company developed to ward off that very bug. What do you think?

  • "That's why I always add extra pesticides to my produce the minute I get home."

    Julie Aldred Unemployed
  • "Uh-oh, you don't want to make Monsanto angry. Those worms had better get ready to have their asses sued off."

    Dan Holloway Immunohematologist
  • "You sure are talking up these rootworms quite a bit. Whose side are you on, anyway?"

    Terry Tyler Meat Cutter

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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