Monster Energy Drink Cited In 5 Deaths

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Vol 48 Issue 43

Meat Loaf Endorses Romney

Performing after the band Big & Rich at a Romney rally last night, Meat Loaf offered the candidate an unusual, rambling endorsement in which the 65-year-old rocker mentioned that he had never been involved in politics before, that the Cold War is not ...

Man Throws Money At Problem

A birthday card is discreetly passed around the office like some sort of covert CIA operation, Apple's gag division unveils the sleekest fake dog shit to date, and cactus scientists recommend drinking 8 cups of water per year.

U.S. Signs Declaration Of Dependence On China

WASHINGTON—In what is certain to be regarded as a defining moment in the nation’s history, leading U.S. political figures gathered at the Capitol today to sign their names to the newly drafted Declaration of Dependence ...
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Monster Energy Drink Cited In 5 Deaths

Reports of five deaths said to be related to Monster Energy Drink—including a Maryland teen who died of caffeine-induced cardiac arrhythmia after consuming two 24-ounce beverages in a 24-hour period—has prompted an FDA investigation. What do you think?

  • “At least we can take some comfort in the knowledge that they didn’t die drowsy.”

    Delia Cronenweth
    Nurse-Midwife
  • “Are they sure it was the Monster Drinks and not the totally bitching rush from their snowboard jumps or motocross races?”

    Javier Jimenez
    Bus Driver
  • “That’s tragic, but a good rule of thumb is not to consume 48 ounces of anything.”

    Paul DiBona
    Urban Planner
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