Monster Energy Drink Cited In 5 Deaths

Top Headlines

Recent News

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.

Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions

Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions

MINNEAPOLIS—His mouth going dry and his palms growing sweaty as he arrived at the offices of Regent Advertising Partners to interview for an open account manager position, local man Devin McKee reportedly prayed Thursday that the hiring manager wouldn’t ask him any questions during their meeting.

Origins Of Popular Slang Terms

As the internet helps push new words and expressions into common usage, many may wonder where our most ubiquitous idioms come from. Here are the origins of some popular slang terms and phrases

Intergalactic Law Enforcement Officers Place Energy Shackles On Hillary Clinton

PARADISE, NV—Materializing through a dimensional portal in front of a stunned audience at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, intergalactic law enforcement officers reportedly appeared onstage during Wednesday night’s presidential debate and placed a pair of glowing blue energy shackles on Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Monster Energy Drink Cited In 5 Deaths

Reports of five deaths said to be related to Monster Energy Drink—including a Maryland teen who died of caffeine-induced cardiac arrhythmia after consuming two 24-ounce beverages in a 24-hour period—has prompted an FDA investigation. What do you think?

  • “At least we can take some comfort in the knowledge that they didn’t die drowsy.”

    Delia Cronenweth Nurse-Midwife
  • “Are they sure it was the Monster Drinks and not the totally bitching rush from their snowboard jumps or motocross races?”

    Javier Jimenez Bus Driver
  • “That’s tragic, but a good rule of thumb is not to consume 48 ounces of anything.”

    Paul DiBona Urban Planner


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close