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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Moose Dying Off Across North America

Moose populations are falling sharply across Canada and the northern United States, and while scientists do not have a specific explanation as to why, most suspect that climate change is to blame. What do you think?

  • “I knew moose couldn’t hack it.”

    Robin Leitner Puppeteer
  • “Plenty more animals where that came from.”

    Gary Wood Systems Analyst
  • “Did you know moose are great swimmers? Sorry, I just read a book.”

    Francois Sarzotti Load Tester

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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

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