Moose Dying Off Across North America

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Vol 49 Issue 42

Onion Sports’ NFL Week Seven Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week seven games: Seahawks at Cardinals OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Cardinals – Backup quarterback Drew Stanton will lead...

Man Uses Air Conditioner To Attack Michael Bay

A man reportedly attacked Michael Bay on the set of Transformers 4 in Hong Kong by swinging an air conditioning unit at Bay’s head, though the director was able to avoid serious injury by ducking and then wrestling the appliance away from his...

Johnson & Johnson Introduces New Leave-In Q-Tips

A blood-soaked mayor Bloomberg announces that homelessness is no longer a problem in New York City, Guinness World Records promotes the man who can lift 27 pounds with his tongue to editor-in-chief, and a child sees no reason why his iron man costume can'...

God Reveals He Occasionally Eats Humans

THE HEAVENS—Speaking candidly during a rare interview this Thursday, God Almighty, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, revealed to the public that He occasionally eats human beings. The Supreme Being, who spoke to reporters today about His dietary habits,...
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Moose Dying Off Across North America

Moose populations are falling sharply across Canada and the northern United States, and while scientists do not have a specific explanation as to why, most suspect that climate change is to blame. What do you think?

  • “I knew moose couldn’t hack it.”

    Robin Leitner
    Puppeteer
  • “Plenty more animals where that came from.”

    Gary Wood
    Systems Analyst
  • “Did you know moose are great swimmers? Sorry, I just read a book.”

    Francois Sarzotti
    Load Tester
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