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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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More Crimes Linked To ‘Slender Man’ Internet Meme

Following an incident in which two teenage girls allegedly attacked a friend to honor the fictional internet meme, police are reporting more incidents of violent crime linked to Slender Man, a tall, faceless paranormal creature popularized on sites like Creepypasta. What do you think?

  • “Oh, like you’ve never attacked someone to honor an internet meme.”

    Scott Glazer Unemployed
  • “Being a defense attorney must be the worst when you have to say Creepypasta during a trial.”

    Donna Nevins Stock Photo Cataloguer
  • “What we need is for Good Guy Greg to step in and fix this.”

    Mark Ecklund Bicycle Repairer

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