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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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More Crimes Linked To ‘Slender Man’ Internet Meme

Following an incident in which two teenage girls allegedly attacked a friend to honor the fictional internet meme, police are reporting more incidents of violent crime linked to Slender Man, a tall, faceless paranormal creature popularized on sites like Creepypasta. What do you think?

  • “Oh, like you’ve never attacked someone to honor an internet meme.”

    Scott Glazer Unemployed
  • “Being a defense attorney must be the worst when you have to say Creepypasta during a trial.”

    Donna Nevins Stock Photo Cataloguer
  • “What we need is for Good Guy Greg to step in and fix this.”

    Mark Ecklund Bicycle Repairer
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