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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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More People Turning To YouTube For News

A study from the Pew Research Center's Project for Excellence in Journalism found that people are increasingly turning to online video sites like YouTube for their news, with eyewitness footage of events such as natural disasters and political unrest proving particularly popular. What do you think?

  • “I knew there was a reason why print newspapers were dying, but I never suspected it had anything to do with the Internet. Thanks, Project for Excellence in Journalism! Once again, you have lived up to your name!”

    Agnes Bellingham Ballerina
  • “TV news is the worst. It’s like if the weather guy is wearing something stupid, there’s nowhere to even comment ‘LOL nice fag tie!’”

    Scott Brave Air Quality Analyst
  • “I’ve watched the 2004 tsunami probably 300 times.”

    Kyung Park Museum Curator

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