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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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More People Turning To YouTube For News

A study from the Pew Research Center's Project for Excellence in Journalism found that people are increasingly turning to online video sites like YouTube for their news, with eyewitness footage of events such as natural disasters and political unrest proving particularly popular. What do you think?

  • “I knew there was a reason why print newspapers were dying, but I never suspected it had anything to do with the Internet. Thanks, Project for Excellence in Journalism! Once again, you have lived up to your name!”

    Agnes Bellingham Ballerina
  • “TV news is the worst. It’s like if the weather guy is wearing something stupid, there’s nowhere to even comment ‘LOL nice fag tie!’”

    Scott Brave Air Quality Analyst
  • “I’ve watched the 2004 tsunami probably 300 times.”

    Kyung Park Museum Curator
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Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

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