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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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More Teens Suffering Hearing Loss

An analysis of data over a 15-year period shows that 19.5 percent of teens have experienced hearing loss, an increase of nearly a third that is mostly attributable to earbud use. What do you think?

  • "No big deal. I've heard a bunch of stuff in my life, and there's really nothing that important."

    Jerri Rew Systems Analyst
  • "Great, now I’m going to have to start passing notes to my daughter telling her to lose some weight."

    Paul Windsor Load Clerk
  • "You know who lost his hearing because of loud music? Pete Townshend. And now he goes out there every night and performs under the impression that his guitar is actually making sound. It's sad."

    Barry Davies Track Inspector

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