adBlockCheck

Recent News

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

John Kerry Throws Vine Over Pit Of Quicksand To Save Child Companion

PANGSAU, MYANMAR—Thinking quickly to thwart disaster as he ventured deep into the Myanmar rainforest to meet with State Councilor Aung San Suu Kyi, Secretary of State John Kerry threw a vine over a pit of quicksand to save the life of his 12-year-old Moroccan companion, Drumstick, sources confirmed Monday.

Report: This Movie Old Enough That They Might Have Actually Hurt Dog

GARDNER, MA—Realizing the movie was probably made years before any sort of mandatory industry oversight, nervous viewers watching a Turner Classic Movies airing of ‘Home On The Range’ Sunday night told reporters that the classic western was old enough that the filmmakers might have actually hurt the dog that starred in the motion picture.
End Of Section
  • More News

More Teens Using E-Cigarettes

While the percentage of teens who smoked cigarettes stayed roughly the same between 2011 and 2012, health officials found that the percentage of high schoolers and middle schoolers who used e-cigarettes nearly doubled. What do you think?

  • “What is it with teens and their obsession with vapor?!”

    Walt Trezise Rheumatologist
  • “I’m more concerned that teens may think these things look just as cool as cigarettes.”

    Marisa Cameron Swimming Instructor
  • “Everybody knows once you nab Stephen Dorff as your spokesperson, you own the teen market.”

    Skip Whitelaw Wool Grader

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close