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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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More Teens Using E-Cigarettes

While the percentage of teens who smoked cigarettes stayed roughly the same between 2011 and 2012, health officials found that the percentage of high schoolers and middle schoolers who used e-cigarettes nearly doubled. What do you think?

  • “What is it with teens and their obsession with vapor?!”

    Walt Trezise Rheumatologist
  • “I’m more concerned that teens may think these things look just as cool as cigarettes.”

    Marisa Cameron Swimming Instructor
  • “Everybody knows once you nab Stephen Dorff as your spokesperson, you own the teen market.”

    Skip Whitelaw Wool Grader
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