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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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More White Americans Dying Than Being Born

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, for the first time in modern history, more white Americans are dying than being born, with whites predicted to fall below 50 percent of the population by 2043. What do you think?

  • “Of all the whites, I will miss Bill the most.”

    Jerome Surratt Fan Assembler
  • “Our scarcity will only increase our value.”

    Natalie Barckhoff Camera Operator
  • “Can’t answer, on my way to my wedding! My beloved Katie and I can’t wait to start a family and…unnngh! Urrrgh! Ohhh... c-can’t ... breathe ... having ... massive ... heart ... attack.”

    James Leichenko Arbor Inspector
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