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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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More Women Getting Hand Surgery To Look Good In ‘Ring Selfies’

A growing number of engaged women are undergoing plastic surgery procedures on their hands to look better in pictures they take of the rings on their fingers, known as “ring selfies,” paying $3,000 or more to smooth out skin texture and reduce the appearance of veins. What do you think?

  • “It’s nice having a crazy expense like this to fill the gap between purchasing an absurdly overpriced ring and throwing a ludicrously expensive wedding.”

    Marion Strano Brand Ambassador
  • “Why do that when you can just hire a hand model for about a third of the price?”

    Jerry Bresnahan Keyboard Cleaner
  • “And all this time, I never realized I could’ve been judging women by their hands.”

    Ted Schubb Floor Plan Tester
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