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More Women Getting Hand Surgery To Look Good In ‘Ring Selfies’

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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More Women Getting Hand Surgery To Look Good In ‘Ring Selfies’

A growing number of engaged women are undergoing plastic surgery procedures on their hands to look better in pictures they take of the rings on their fingers, known as “ring selfies,” paying $3,000 or more to smooth out skin texture and reduce the appearance of veins. What do you think?

  • “It’s nice having a crazy expense like this to fill the gap between purchasing an absurdly overpriced ring and throwing a ludicrously expensive wedding.”

    Marion Strano Brand Ambassador
  • “Why do that when you can just hire a hand model for about a third of the price?”

    Jerry Bresnahan Keyboard Cleaner
  • “And all this time, I never realized I could’ve been judging women by their hands.”

    Ted Schubb Floor Plan Tester

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