adBlockCheck

Recent News

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
End Of Section
  • More News

More Women Getting Hand Surgery To Look Good In ‘Ring Selfies’

A growing number of engaged women are undergoing plastic surgery procedures on their hands to look better in pictures they take of the rings on their fingers, known as “ring selfies,” paying $3,000 or more to smooth out skin texture and reduce the appearance of veins. What do you think?

  • “It’s nice having a crazy expense like this to fill the gap between purchasing an absurdly overpriced ring and throwing a ludicrously expensive wedding.”

    Marion Strano Brand Ambassador
  • “Why do that when you can just hire a hand model for about a third of the price?”

    Jerry Bresnahan Keyboard Cleaner
  • “And all this time, I never realized I could’ve been judging women by their hands.”

    Ted Schubb Floor Plan Tester

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close