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‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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More Women Moving In With Partners Before Marriage

According to a new study, between 2006 and 2010, 48 percent of all women between the ages of 15 and 44 moved in with their male partners without being married, up from 34 percent in 1995. What do you think?

  • “I’m gonna start reciting Bible verses at random. Stop me when I hit one that forbids this.”

    Hugh Rand Administrative Analyst
  • “Well, sure. Everyone knows there’s nothing hotter for your sex life than a surprise-free domestic routine.”

    Laura Meyerson Ferris Wheel Operator
  • “Not me. Mother and I will be living off her disability checks until the proper suitor comes along.”

    Leslie Glover Unemployed

More from this section

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

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