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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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More Women Moving In With Partners Before Marriage

According to a new study, between 2006 and 2010, 48 percent of all women between the ages of 15 and 44 moved in with their male partners without being married, up from 34 percent in 1995. What do you think?

  • “I’m gonna start reciting Bible verses at random. Stop me when I hit one that forbids this.”

    Hugh Rand Administrative Analyst
  • “Well, sure. Everyone knows there’s nothing hotter for your sex life than a surprise-free domestic routine.”

    Laura Meyerson Ferris Wheel Operator
  • “Not me. Mother and I will be living off her disability checks until the proper suitor comes along.”

    Leslie Glover Unemployed

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