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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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More Women Received Mammograms Under ACA

A new study found more women sought mammograms under Obamacare, likely because out-of-pocket expenses were eliminated by the program. What do you think?

  • “I’m sick and tired of the unemployed sitting around all day getting mammograms.”

    Ross Murrell Microwave Optimizer
  • “But is detecting cancer in its early stages and making a full recovery even worth it if you’re just going to wind up living with a federal budget deficit?”

    Brent Powers Duct Installer
  • “Let’s not make repealing Obamacare any more difficult for Republicans than it’s already been.”

    Josie Lindford Carrot Pickler

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