Recent News

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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  • More News

More Women Received Mammograms Under ACA

A new study found more women sought mammograms under Obamacare, likely because out-of-pocket expenses were eliminated by the program. What do you think?

  • “I’m sick and tired of the unemployed sitting around all day getting mammograms.”

    Ross Murrell Microwave Optimizer
  • “But is detecting cancer in its early stages and making a full recovery even worth it if you’re just going to wind up living with a federal budget deficit?”

    Brent Powers Duct Installer
  • “Let’s not make repealing Obamacare any more difficult for Republicans than it’s already been.”

    Josie Lindford Carrot Pickler


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